The Rest of the Story...

I"m primarily posting for myself...i want to be able to recall everything!

So last Wednesday I was 20 weeks, and Thursday I had my first ultrasound done for this pregnancy. The kids got to pracitice sitting still and being quiet and got a good anatomy lesson. I think it also helped cement for Tyler that there really is an actual person growing inside me. The tech was very nice but quiet. She had laryngitis so she din't talk any more than necessary. While I REALLY do understand, it unnerved me a bit.

I know God is good and wishes to bless us, I also know that his will is greater than my own and sometimes means things beyond what I want for myself- including trial and pain. When discussing having more kids Gary and I often talked about being content with two beautiful, healthy children who eat and sleep well. Let's face it- not everyone has that! We are very thankful and very content- I don't want anyone to ever question that. We're blessed beyond measure and we know it and strive to Praise God for it every minute of every day. We felt the desire to have more kids and after a LOOOOOOT of prayer, decided to leave it to the Lord, and *snap* i was pregnant. I know that statistcally speaking, this baby is likely to be unhealthy, coliky, never want to eat or sleep, and will most definately be very different from her siblings. I know that. I love her anyways because she's my precious gift God has given me. Going into this ultrasound though, I felt very nervous and at teh same time peaceful. I know God's in control in my head and my heart. I feel His peace, but I also felt that nagging "prepare your heart" feeling.

The tech took a look at the placenta and uterus and all that stuff that just looks like foggy static and told me each thing. Plus when she types it i can read it. Gary had the kids situated on his lap and of course as soon as i saw head, torso/spine, arms and legs I was crying. Just like that there she was. We'd said yes, we wanted to know and when the up-through-the-legs shot came, it was pretty clear before she even said- GIRL! I was shocked! I'd been calling her "he" for awhile now! I really really thought it would be a boy. Gary thought girl and most family and friends were split. Most didn't want to say, and a few were sure one way or another. I will say this pregnancy has been more like Grace's than like Tyler's so while I leaned towards girl, i felt boy. These things are not 100% so it still could be a boy! :) The tech of course can't say for sure because nothing is for sure but she was pretty confident. I know what I saw and I am too. :) She moved on and took some pictures, she measured the head and the leg bone, looked at the kidneys and stomach and heart and stayed there quite a while. We could see it beating and see the four chambers and i thought she was trying to get a good clear photo of all four chambers. She took a couple profile shots and the face and measured whatever else she did. I kept asking "is that normal", "does she look ok" kind of questions and she said yes. She wasn't overly talkative and raving though which i figured was just her personality. When she was done i asked if everythign was ok and she said it looked "good" and the doctor would give me the results. It was an answer that made me think nothing major, but possibly a problem. I wanted Gary to stay but he said it was fine, she said it was fine and she just didn't say more because she had laryngitis. So he went to work and the kids and I waited for my appointment. In hind sight i'm SO glad I went ahead and made my appt. for the same day because orriginally they could not get me in the same day with the doc i wanted and i was either going to choose someone else, or go another day.

So the doc listend to the heartbeat and then sadi "the ultrasound tech put a note on your chart that the baby had "blah-blah-blah". (huh?) It's almost always nothing but we'll need to send you to the hospital (insert panic) for a more in depth ultrasound (relief)." So I asked her what that means. She said something showed up, it happens a lot, its almost always nothing but we just want to get a better picture. I wanted to say- well, take me back to that room and you can take pictures all day! So i remembered then i wanted to ask her specifically about induction which I did. SHe said I could if i wanted and she'd get her schedule so then i asked again, so this ultrasound- it's something with the baby's brain? yes. So what are we looking at here, what's our worst case scenario? oh, it's almsot always nothing, we're not even getting itnto it. in fact i can't remember a time when it was ever anything, i'll take you down to get scheduled at the hospital. (me)But it's soemthing with the brain right? yes.

I packed up the kids (who were coloring on the ground very quietly the whole time) and away we went to the lady's office who schedules things with the hospital. She asked when and I'm thinking, oh it's no big deal, i gotta pack for vacation next week, let's make it after... so then as I'm telling her this it occurs to me, oh well, it'd be nice to know before we go because everyone is going to want to know. So i tell her when NOT to make it because we'll be on vacation, make my next regular OB appt. and go to the car. I call Gary and as I'm telling him it hits me- something might be wrong with this baby's brain! I have to know now! So i unbuckled the kids and we traipsed back in there for me to tell her if at all possible make it before the 19th because i have to know. She said she'd probably call me that afternoon. then we went home. SO Gary calls again wanting to know the medical term which of course i did not understand when she told me let alone be able to recall and repeat. So he wanted me to call so we could do some research and see what we're up against so we're prepared at this next ultrasound. I said i couldn't do it. I was calm, still at peace, but didn't know how i'd do on the phone. I'd already called my parents and my brother and updated on here and I had to get packed and get the kids fed and to bed. So he called and someone promised to call him back. Meanwhile the lady who makes the appointments iwth the hospital calls, she does not yet have an appointment for me but my husband called wanting to know my ultrasound results and could they give them to him. duh- of course! She had just talked to the ultrasound tech and read it off to me and i wrote it down but my stupid phone made it sound like she was whispering from across the room into a phone and i had to ask her to repeat things and i was locked in the bathroom upstairs to avoid all outside noise. She asked if I wanted to just tell my husband or if someone should call him back. at first i was just going to tell him, then i realized he could probably hear better and think more clearly to ask questions so i said go ahead and talk to him. Well like 2 hours later i called - have they called you yet!? because they talked to me awhile ago. He'd talked to them and figured i knew what he knew and he'd been researching and couldn't find anything and to tell him as soon as there was an appointment. Well, all day I'd had on our facebook about a potential problem with the baby's brain. When he got home i showed him the many comments of prayer, love and support. Immediately he laughed, and said "brain". Um, yea. He saw i was not laughing at what he assumed i knew was my silly mistake and said, Honey, it's the heart! Panic again! WHAT?! who told you that!?!? He'd talked to the lady who does the scheduling at the hospital too, and she'd repeated what the tech said and he'd written it down. Left ventricle of the fetal heart. I was so annoyed. Now it's 5:00, i can't call, and now there is either a problem with the brain or the heart, neither is worse than the other i'm sure but I WANT TO KNOW!!! So i didn't change anything on face book because i didn't know anything. Friday comes and I called, left a message, called again, then we packed up the car and i stupidly packed my phone in the bag i wanted it, and put it in the van and Gary took off to go to the bank and get gas. His mom came iwth lunch and we ate and got in the car to go. I realized immediately my phone had been there the whole time. I'd known it was there, known the office closed at noon, known that lady SHOULD be calling me back but did i put it all together and have the phone near me? no. She called at 11:54 and left a message at which time my phone allerted me she'd also called at 8:15 that morning. I'd checked that phone 100times for missed calls. I was furious. Of course she tells me in both messages just to call back, here's the number... and in the second one, call back Monday because we close in 3 minutes. It's 7minutes past noon so i call and asked the answering service lady if there is ANY way i can get ahold of the lady i need. nope. Thankfully Stephanie suggested i call the hospital, and thankfully Gary has internet on his phone so i caould find the number and PRAISE THE LORD i was able to find out my ultrasound date- Wednesday the 17th. I still didn't know if it was the brain or the heart, but I knew I'd know more before vacation and I would not have to wait until after.

We had a wonderful time in Chicago. We were actually outside Chicago but I call it Chicago. We were actually in McHenry which is where Gary was born. Grace got carsick a little over an hour before we got to the Kandray's but they were kind enough to let us wash out her seat, and leave her clothes and seat cover for them to wash, bathe her and put her jammies on her. We got to the hotel pretty late and all went to bed. Saturday we drove around the area and see where Gary was born, where he want to half a year of preschool, and four houses they lived in before they moved to Wisconsin when he was 4 or 5. It was neat and a beautiful area. We went to the party and had a wonderful time with family. Grace napped but Tyler ran from when we got there until we left. I hope to take time to post pictures this week. I hope i got some good family ones. Grace did not get carsick on the way home and we only made two 20 minute stops so we got home in very good time. We all went to bed at 8:30 which was wonderful.

This morning i called to get my appointment, then we called the hospital to change it because of a meeting Gary had that day- it'll be earlier in the morning. And i found out it IS the HEART. So now we know. I've not even had a chance to do any research but I"m thankful I only have to wait another day and a half to find out what is going on. Thankfully I have some amazing friends willing to watch the kids so Gary and I can go by ourselves.

We love this baby more than we can describe and we know God will provide for us whatever we need to raise her. She's in God's hands. We're excited to meet her but also praying the Lord would allow this to truly be nothing. If not, we know it's in his best will for our lives and for hers. Thank you all for your prayers and for allowing me to record this long account for my own recollection!