Thursday, November 08, 2007

08 Nov 2007 three I just tucked Tyler into bed for the night. I told him tomorrow when he wakes up and the sun is shining (because otherwise he'll wake up 50 times in the night) he will be three. Then I kind of lost it. Three. I've been a mom for THREE YEARS! I remember completly the moment he was born. After 3 hours of pushing, maybe more I don't remember, he finally came. Dr Shutko put him on my stomach and I telly you truly, he lifted his head and looked me right in the eyes. I fell completely head over heels in love. I believe in love at first sight without a doubt. I"m not sure it happens with couples-it didn't for Gary and I, but for some, it happens with kids. At that moment I understood so many things about love and life that I had never understood before. I understood the pain God must have felt when he gave his Son to die. I understood the love that made him do it. I understood why women are willing to give up and change who they are to care for and love their kids. In that moment I changed. I can't even tell you how or why but I changed. I grew. I learned. I ached and felt true bliss at the same time. That has happend 4 times in my life. The moment I recieved Christ as my Savior, the moment I fell in love with Gary, the moment Tyler was born, and the moment Grace was born. With Grace it happened differently but it was there. I'm so blessed. I wish for Tyler so many things. The things every mom wishes. Enough trials to teach but not enough to discourage. Enough pain to appreciate but enough love to make it better. A love for the Lord. More I can't even put into words. I realized tonight that when I wake up something will have changed. Hopefully it will be just the number of candles on a cake. The number of fingers he holds up when people ask him how old he is. Tonight I tucked in my baby. My first baby. he's a boy now. It sounds so stupid. he's been a boy, not a baby, for so long now. I missed it. They say we never miss the firsts but we always miss the lasts. I pray that I won't get so busy with life that one day I wake up and realize he's changed so much that I don't know him. I want to remember always who he is, who he was, and who I pray he will become. I want to remember the way he'll look at me after a spanking and say "I want you to be happy Mommy" and fall into my arms crying. I want to remember the way he'll sit on the floor and push his trains with me. I want to remember the way he sings the Veggie Tales Hairbrush song and Jesus Loves Me. I want to remember him singing every song on our Kutless CD. I want to remember the way he watches TV just like his daddy. He doesn't move or realize anything else is going on around him. I want to remember the way he sings the ABC's when he washes his hands without being reminded. The way he runs to help Grace when she cries and runs to tell me she needs me but needs him more. I want to remember him playing basketball in the living room with Daddy or running in circles singing and making crazy noises. I want to remember the way every time something dings or beeps he comes running to tell me it's done. I want to remember the way his face lights up when it snows or he finds a flower. They way my pockets have been full of dandiloions - every one hand picked and sniffed by him first. The way he says sorry for tracking dirt in the house and then keeps on walking. The way he mops the floors and the walls because it's "faster". The way he points to family members in scrapbooks and names and describes them. They way he adds blessings and "have a good day" for people at the end of his lunchtime prayers. The way he talks of God in his heart and God loving him. The way he acts like Noah saving the animals- all except the bugs. The way he'll sit and want me to read the same story over and over and five minutes later be running with his dump truck. The way he knows every family member and what kind and color vehicle they have. I want to remember the way he hugs me and gives kisses. The way Eskimo kisses are his favorite. The way he says "sorry and ask forgiveness" when time out ends. The way he throws himself into my arms for no reason or tackles me. I want to remember his kind, compassionate nature. I want to remember everything and treasure it all. I understand this verse more and more each day. Luke 2: 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Most of all, I want Tyler to remember how loved he is.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, you will remember
love, mom