Life of a new mom... I'm totally ripping this off of a friend's blog, who ripped it off of her friend, who got it out of American Baby Magazine. It bears repeating. The Fantasy Life of New MomsBy Kayt Sukel Sure, you once fantasized about romantic getaways, becoming rich and famous, or perhaps just finding that perfect pair of shoes on sale. Now, however, fierce Mommy love, hormone surges, and sleep deprivation have led you to daydreams made of grander stuff: 1. Your husband lactates, so he can never again say, "I'd love to help you out, babe, but I haven't got the equipment"-as you rise for yet another 3 a.m. feeding. (I'd settle for one who doesn't take as long to awaken from slumber as it does to just feed the baby yourself.) 2. Your baby tells you exactly why he's been crying for more than 15 minutes and exactly what he needs. 3. Your child, upon winning the Nobel Prize, tells the entire world in his acceptance speech that his genius is all due to his beautiful, intelligent, and caring mother. 4. Your husband begs you to let him do the piled up laundry and the stack of dishes in the kitchen. (Gary does this actually...) 5. Eight uninterrupted hours of sleep. Writers note: I'm sighing with desire as I type this. 6. You wear a flattering, slimming material that repels all spit up, mud, dried cereal and other stains. 7. You pee and shower with the door closed, and no one watches, barges in, or screams for you. (If we're really dreaming let's talk a bubble bath long enough to shave, bathe AND read...) 8. Scientists discover the amazing (and immediate) fat-burning power of the cream-cheese brownie. 9. A robotic vacuum not only sweeps the floors but also sorts and stashes toys, Tupperware, and clothing. 10. Finding dependable, flexible and afforable child care is a simple task. 11. You find a nursing bra that doesn't pinch, pop open, chafe, or let you down on the supportive side. And if you're really dreaming, it's also sexy and attractive. 12. Your mother-in-law (and mother) gushes about what a fabulous job you're doing raising her grandchild. 13. A vengeful goddess turns Tom Cruise into a pregnant woman. Let's see of exercise and vitamins will do the trick for him then! (Woohoo!! Amen, sister!) (let's see him give birth in complete silence too!!!) 14. Your husband says, "You look like you've had an exhausting week. Why don't you go to the spa tomorrow and the baby and I can spend some time together." 15. You buy a toy that doesn't make noise, sing songs, or vibrate and your child actually likes to play with it. 16. Your husband tells you your post partum hair loss only makes you look more beautiful. 17. Your child decides on his first birthday that he is too old for diapers and potty trains himself on the spot. (Oh, goodness, yes. Dare to dream.) 18. Lightning strikes anyone who tells you, without provocation, that you look tired, should sleep when the baby sleeps, or should put a sun hat on the baby. (These are the same people who repeatedly ask when you're due, are you sure you aren't having twins, and do you think you'll make it to your due date.) (SO TRUE!) 19. The baby goes down to sleep after only two stories, three minutes of belly rubbing, and one round of lullabies. 20. Stay-at-home motherhood is declared a respected and appreciated career, with base pay, full benefits, and a bonus.