Have you ever been undescribably happy and devistated at the same time about the same thing? I have. Apparently pregnancy only makes it worse. Wednesday night we were "out on the town" because we had to take back library video's and were looking for a toddler airbed we saw online. The site indicated our target had it in stock- not true. In fact it did not look like they had ever had them. Usually when something is out of stock there is a big empty space on the shelf and the item's price thingy is there all alone- not the deal. Furthermore no one seemed to know if they ever got them or if they'd ever get them again. "We get a truck every other day and no one knows what's on it until it gets here and we uload it." HUH?! Apparently I have no buisness savvy because that sounds rediculously stupid to me. Or, huh, here's a thought, the lady did not want to bother finding us real answers. ANYWAYS we've been talking about buying Tyler a big boy twin bed now instead of for his 3rd birthday- not because he needs to be out of the crib but because he's grown out of his playpen. We do enough traveling overnight that he needs to learn to sleep on the floor or a bed so we decided to bite the bullet and look for a bed. Gary's mom had coupons so we went to a mattress store (they should let you rent those places out for sleepovers!) and found the one we liked and bought it. 90 SAC baby! :) last night gary and his dad went to pick it up in big Gary's van and they brought it home. Gary also went out yesterday on his way home from work (yup- snow day and he went into work. ONly for 2 hours though) and got the rails we had seen at big lots. So Gary's dad leaves after dinner and we are playing and Gayr's like- So, we going to do it? I"m like "What?" "Put the bed up" At this moment it hit me how much I really was not prepared for it! Thankfully Gary is more adventuresome and prepared for change than I because sure enough, we took the crib apart, moved the pieces into what will be the baby's room, and put the big boy bed together! I just happened to have a set of twin sheets because my mom was going to get rid of my favorite set from when I was a kid at a garage sale and I took them. We still need a mattress pad and Tyler needs his own sheets that are more exciting than plain old white, but it works for now. I cried when Gary took it apart. I was so sad. I remembered him and my dad putting together my old crib when I was pregnant with Tyler, then someone giving us a much newer one and us switching them... I remember when we moved out of the Mansfield house and Gary took it apart... putting it back together here... and now taking it apart again because he's a big boy. :( I was not prepared for how emotional i'd be about it! I mean I got 10 inches of hair hacked off and didnt' cry yet putting my baby to bed in a BED made me lose it. We did our regular routine, and put him to bed just after 8:30 and he cried. That's when my heart just broke. My poor baby was up there scared! I let him go about 10 minutes and then we went back and re-tucked him in and he went to sleep! He slept all night! I had the monitors on and the gate up in case he got out and so I heard him every time he rolled over or made a small crying sound.... i've not listened to him so intently since he was a baby. It made me think of the nights ahead where I'll lay awake listening for the new baby... anyways he woke up at his normal time this morning and waited in bed until I went to get him! He just called for me like always! I was so proud of him last night and this morning. So proud and happy and thrilled... yet a piece of me is still a little devistated. I keep thinking about sending him off to school and other things ahead that I don't allow myself to dwell on in the day to day routine. It's a small step and a small thing, I know, and there is plenty of room for craziness in the future (like nap time in an hour) but for this moment I wanted to share just how happy, sad, proud, and devistated I am. Most of all I'm thankful to have a strong husband who made me do it!